'Twas a week before Christmas at NOV College
Where oildfield professionals go to get knowledge
The students all gathered to smoke their last cigs
Then they went in to learn about Amphion rigs.
Myself, I was bummed--for in Houston, you see
Was not during Christmas where I'd like to be.
The trees were all dry, the snow was all fake,
And the wrong foods had red bows... yum, rattlesnake.
With Check valves, and diodes, and touch screens, and stators
Robotics, computers, and sweet simulators
This school is high-speed... but the best machine we know
Is the one that makes frothed Milky Way Choccoccino
With thirty-some flavors from Park Place to Baltic
Students swarm the machine, like deer to a salt lick.
But soon they find seats, and the classes get started
Introductions are made, and "Okay, who farted?"
Then to quizzical looks our instructor appeared:
Twinkling eyes, jolly smile, and a long snow-white beard.
With leathery hands and a voice that was gnarly
I could only imagine his sleigh as a Harley.
He laid out some rules: "No pouting, no crying,
you'd better be good, and you ought not be lying"
Then Andy whispered, "Dude, I just saw him at Mass
...I think he's a Saint!" Santa winked at the class.
Then he whipped out some magic, and he taught the dry stuff
In a way that no student could quite get enough
'Til Noon sharp each day, he'd wow and he'd thrill
Then he'd give us all vouchers for Alex's Grill.
All week, the subjects got harder and harder
And I think we got dumber before we got smarter
But if Santa had skeptics, with a badda-boom-bam,
He Snapped! ...And we all passed our final exam.
Now Darren, Emilio, come get your diploma!
I've got to run toys from Hong Kong to Roma.
When I blinked he was gone, but I saw blur of red
burning out to the fade of a loud shovelhead.
Michael Ehinger is an instructor at the National-Oilwell-Varco technical college. He is also Santa Claus. Visit his website by clicking HERE.
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